Walk Humbly by A Friend Abroad!

You know how every expat, short or long-term, says, “I thought I would give so much to the people I went to serve, but, really, they gave me so much more,” or “I thought I’d help change others but, really, God changed me more.” They ALL say this! It shouldn’t be a big revelation anymore.

But even if you are aware of this cliché and of your supposed future role as a humble learner, you can’t help but enter a new culture with the subconscious hope and expectation of having a bigger affect on it than it/they/God will have on you. Not many of us go somewhere new with the main goal of being brought to our knees. We go because we want to be a blessing, we want to help, and we want to bring change. We, we, we.

Westerners are so used to the idea of being in the position of giving, mostly of our excess. Having resources – physical, emotional or spiritual - is natural for many of us. We love having people over for a meal, donating to charities, giving stuff away, volunteering, helping others, being the comforter, sharing the good news. It makes the world a better place, blesses people, and makes us feel good about ourselves, too. For the most part, it’s easy and safe because it’s on our own terms.

But when you move to a new culture, one that’s extremely different from yours, like for example . . . India, all of a sudden you realize that you can’t depend on your usual resources much here. You realize what it means to be needy, out of control, and utterly dependent on others. Sure, you have money that can get you things and you have love and faith and kindness to give, but there is so much more that you need.

So our first few months in India have been a lesson on humbling ourselves, or rather being humbled, and needing people’s help. And it’s been a lot harder than giving stuff away or helping others. Because of, you know, pride. Besides all the practical stuff, like where do you go when your daughter has to get stitches in her head?, we needed (and still need) much help understanding cultural clues, traditions, patterns, and we also need so much encouragement and emotional support.

This is true for all cross-cultural experiences. Whenever we get out of our role as experts and superiors and teachers and givers, and take on a role of inadequate and needy learners for the sake of love, God starts transforming us. He will help us see that we, too, are poor. Not necessarily in the financial sense, but we do lack. We are not perfect, we don’t have all the answers, we can’t do it all, we don’t have the power to change anything on our own really. We, too, need Him and need people.

“Our perspective should be less about how we are going to fix [others] and more about how we can walk together, asking God to fix both of us.” (Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert, When Helping Hurts)

Part of us being here is about giving up our ideas and expectations of the great things we will accomplish, and being open to the things that God wants to accomplish in us and through us.

Lesson 1: I am the needy one.