The 21st Century Christian and Conflict

Last Sunday the sermon topic was on conflict. Conflict is always a reality for human society. Whenever you have a relationship or a community of relationships, there is always the potential for conflict.

There are several ways people typically deal with conflict:
1. Deny deny deny (i.e. pretend nothing is wrong)
2. Run away! (i.e. avoid the situation by any means possible)
3. The quiet boil (i.e. say nothing, just quietly simmer with resentment)
4. Take no prisoners (i.e. do whatever it takes to make sure your side "wins" in the conflict)
5. The viral epidemic (i.e. gossip; tell people about "your side," which ensures that more people get drawn in and "infected" by the conflict)

None of these are effective, because they don't deal with the root cause of conflict. Fortunately this is what God does for us in the Bible in the following manner.

Understanding conflict
James 4:1-3 shows us that conflict is a heart issue. It arises when desires become dictatorial lusts that rule over our lives. They become the idols of our hearts and guide us toward choices and actions that bring about conflict. We go from simply wanting something to then demanding that we have something and reacting in sin when we can't have that something.

Addressing and resolving conflict
1. Humble yourself/Examine yourself
James 4:7-8 shows us that we must first turn to God. Out of control desires bring conflict primarily not at the human-to-human level but at the God-to-human level. God alone should rule over our hearts; conflict shows that we have tried to dethrone him and put our desires on his rightful throne in our hearts. So we must humble ourselves, come before God, and admit our sin towards him. In so doing, God "will draw near" to us. This puts us in position to then examine our hearts, a process that Matthew 7:1-5 commends to us. This passage does not say that we should ignore what's going on in another person's life. We are to remove "the speck," but we must do so by first being keenly aware of our lives and our sin. Because from our perspective, as CJ Mahaney as rightly said, you are the worst sinner you personally know because only you know the dark things that reside in your own heart. In that sense, knowing only the inner life of your own self, there is rightly a "log" to address before removing "specks" from others' eyes. In this process you might rightly discover that the offense committed is one that is best quickly forgiven and overlooked (cf Prov 19:11, 12:16, 17:14).

However, it may be that the offense committed is significant enough that it cannot and should not be overlooked. Peacemaker Ministries offers the following helpful questions to determine if a particular offense is something that should not be overlooked and must be dealt with: 1. Is the offense seriously dishonoring God? 2. Has it permanently damaged a relationship? 3. Is it seriously hurting other people? 4. Is it seriously hurting the offender himself?

2) Confront
If an offense is serious and/or persisently ongoing, it must then be confronted. This is a divine obligation (see Matt 5:23-24, 18:15-17). This means going and talking directly the offender. Not doing this affects the worship and the long term spiritual health of a church body. Persistent unresolved sin is truly like a slow cancer that will eventually kill a church community.

3) Always aim, as much as is possible, for reconciliation
The Matthew verses show us that the goal of biblical confrontation should always be, as much as is possible, reconciliation and the restoration of the offender into the church community. This means then that while biblical confrontation must involve speaking truth, even hard truths, it should be done in the soil of grace, wisdom, and above all love. (cf Gal 6:1)

Some more practical tips from Peacemaker Ministries on how to do this:
1. Pray for humility and wisdom.
2. Plan your words carefully
3. Choose the right time and place
4. Assume the best about the other person until you have facts to prove otherwise (Prov 11:27)
5. Listen carefully
6. Speak only to build others up
7. Ask for feedback from the other person
8. Recognize your limits - remember that ONLY God can change people

Now sometimes, sadly, the other person with whom you are interacting does not respond and is unwilling to take the necessary steps towards reconciliation. In such cases it could then be necessary to bring other people in to help (see Matt 18:16). Ultimately, it may be that the other person never takes the steps necessary to bring about reconciliation. This however should not be the end of things for you. To again quote Peacemaker Ministries, "The Christian should never close the Bible." We should continue to seek biblical insight, guidance and counsel about the situation. And we should always be in position to extend grace and forgiveness toward the person once they are willing to take the necessary steps and so complete the process of reconciliation and restoration. Ultimately, we must trust God and leave all situations like this in his hands.

Avoding conflict - how we should instead relate to each other
Galatians 5:13-15 and Ephesians 4:16 show us how our relationships should look like; they should be characterized by love of neighbor, humility and gentleness, and an eagerness to maintain unity. Colossians 3:12-14 and Ephesians 4:31-32 show us that the real key to rightly relating to one another is found in the gospel. If we are to forgive others and thus maintain unity, it will happen to the degee in which we understand how we've been forgiven by the Lord. The gospel shapes how we can rightly deal with conflict and also how we can avoid pointless gospel. I especially appreciated CJ Mahaney's words in "The Cross Centered Life." Towards the end of the book he reminds us that "because of sin relational conflict is inevitable. You'll sin against others. They'll sin against you." The gospel however helps in that "when I become bitter or unforgiving toward others, I'm assuming that sins of others are more serious than my sins against God. The cross transforms my perspective. Through the cross I realize that no sin committed against me will ever be as serious as the innumerable sins I've committed against God. When we understand how much God has forgiven us, it's not difficult to forgive others. God's been patient with me so I can be patient with others. God has forgiven me so I can forgive others. God's grace is changing me so I can trust that he can also change others."

So, what are your thoughts on this topic? Here are some potential starter questions: Why do you think people, including many Christians, have so much unresolved conflict in their lifes and often seem unwilling to address it in the right biblical way? Why do you think people are afraid of biblical confrontation or quickly reject it when it's done towards them? How can we encourage a church environment where biblical confrontation is normal and welcome? And how can we can we cultivate a church community known more for the unity among its members rather than conflict?

The 21st Century Christian and Singleness

Two Sundays ago (June 7th) the sermon topic was on singleness. We looked at examples of singleness in the Old Testament and the New Testament (see the chapter on singleness in "God, Family, and Marriage" for a great treatment on this). From there I laid out two biblical truths on singleness:

1. Singleness is a gift from God
1 Corinthians 7:7 sees both singleness and marriage as gifts given by God. To a certain extent then, singleness is a gift that all people have in their life for at least some period of time. God, being a good and perfect God, gives only good and perfect gifts (James 1:17). So we should see singleness as a good and perfect gift from God, to be used in praise of God for whatever period of time we possess this gift. This leads us to the second biblical truth.

2. Singleness is an avenue for "undivided devotion to the Lord."
1 Corinthians 7:31-35 is the passage in which we find this phrase "undivided devotion to the Lord." The idea here is of being without distraction, of focusing completely on a specific task or service. The Bible is saying then that those who are unmarried are uniquely poised to give complete attention and focus to the Lord and his mission. Singleness should be a period of time of which we take full advantage! It provides us the opportunity to serve the Lord and enjoy him at a level that is without parallel in this life.

We also considered several practical areas of application for these truths, which included the following:
1. Ministry
Singles/Unmarrieds should jump into God's mission with full force. They should afford themselves of the opportunity to do radical things when it comes to being involved in people's lives, to serving in the city and the world, to praying and reading God's word, knowing that as they devote themselves fully to the Lord they will find him faithful to fully satisfy their souls.

2. Dating and 3. Sex
Men must be real men, honest and direct and not passive Peter Pan boys, when it comes to dating relationships. They must be careful to guard the hearts of the women around them, always treating all unmarried women, including those they date, as their sisters in Christ (1 Timothy 5:1-2). Women must be careful not to idolize relationships. They must be sure that only Jesus takes the role of Lord and Savior in their life and not being a relationship. And certainly both men and women must be careful to see that all sexual or sexually related activity find its proper place within marriage, where it was especially meant for (cf 1 Thess 4:36, 1 Cor
7:2-4, 9).

4. Parenting
Single parents can also show undivided devotion to the Lord by focusing their attention on an area that is central in the Lord's mission - raising their kids to know and follow Jesus. They should gladly see this as their first and foremost ministry before God.

Ultimately, the gospel is the key background for us to understand singleness. Because of the gospel, no person is truly "single." Without Jesus, we all were enslaved to sin and thus unable to be a true, unified relationship with God or with each other. In this sense, every person, no matter their marital status, was spiritually speaking "single." The good news of the gospel is that we who were once thus apart from God and one another are now brought near to God, reconciled to him and to one another in Christ. Because of this gospel of Jesus Christ, we are all intricately connected as brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ. It is in fact this commitment, as one church, united in and to Jesus, that will last forever. This connectiveness is something we must continually reinforce, embrace, and express within the church.

What are your thoughts on this subject? How can we better speak of singleness and even embrace it as Christians?

The 21st Century Christian and Money

And we're back! Again sorry about the long hiatus in postings. But as I said in the previous post, I hope to get back to a more regular schedule of postings, starting this week.

For this post I want to open it up to any further discussion or thoughts on the topic of last Sunday's sermon. Last Sunday we began a series called "The 21st Century Christian: Living out the Gospel Story within Today's Culture." The basic gist of the series is to try and develop a gospel-centered biblical theology on a couple of different subjects. This past Sunday's subject was money (see http://www.rooseveltchurch.org/resources/sermon-archives/ for the audio). We looked over a whole bunch of passages and based on those passages I elaborated on the following 4 biblical truths and 3 biblical practices based on those truths.

4 biblical truths:

1. Money must not be your God

2. Having money is not necessarily evil

3. God is deeply concerned with how you get your money

(i.e. Do you work justly to gain money for what you need or are you working unjustly to gain money? Do you work hard or are you lazy and expect things to always be given to you?)

4. God is deeply concerned with how you use your money

(i.e. Are you generous or are you a hoarder?)

3 biblical practices:

1. Generously use money to do good, especially for the least in our world and especially for those within the church

2. Be content

3. Trust God

We also spent some time quoting a number of sad statistics (all from a recent book entitled "Passing the Plate: Why American Christians Don't Give Away More Money") about how little American Christians actually give away of their money (basically 1-2% of their income). We then considered the astounding amount of ministry that could be accomplished if we became modestly generous with our money (giving a minimum of 10% of after tax income; the additional money that would generated would be $133.4 billion dollars).

So, what are your questions and thoughts on this subject? Here are a few questions to get things started (mostly provoked from Mike Bullmore's own application questions based on his sermon on this topic from 1 Corinthians 16):

1. How much should Christians be talking about the subject of money to one another? Should we be more open about how we spend our money and how much we give away to one another? Should this be part of being accountable to one another?

2. Is your giving a consistently planned priority? Why should it be important to have giving be a consistently planned priority?

3. How does the gospel release us and encourage us to be generous givers? How has the gospel done this in your life?