(On May 19, 2015, we posted A Conversation With Holly Walsh and Jennifer Bell on Courtship, which is really fun stuff. Jessica Tucker kindly offered the following response.)
I'll bite!
As a single woman in her thirties, the idea of courtship sounds about as
fairytale-ish as the Hallmark Channel movies with which I have a love/hate
relationship. The "dating" world out there is hard for everyone. From
what I observe, there are too many opportunities for people to do whatever they
darn well please without any regard for consequences. Those with the "I want to date for the purpose of
marriage" bent are seemingly, let's face it, S-O-L.
Cynical, you
say? You're absolutely right. Tell me how you would feel after being asked for
the umpteenth time if you are dating anyone and find that you must pitifully
reply, “No, there just doesn’t seem to be anyone out there for me.”
I have been
told over and over again by my well-meaning Christian friends, "There's
nothing wrong with you" and “it’s the guy's fault" and “guys are just
so immature" and “you’re
better off single and carefree.” But
when it’s not your heart’s desire to be free of a married life, it’s a bit hard
to swallow: ya feel me?
I think one
of the pieces we are missing in the whole equation is men. Men who are willing
to come alongside other men and talk to them about what
courting/dating/marriage looks like. Men who will teach others how to pursue a
woman they think they might be interested in rather than play with her
emotions, as well as how to avoid all the pressure of having a physical
relationship prior to marriage.
The other
piece is women. Women who can help other women understand they are not objects
for men to play with and that they shouldn’t manipulate men into relationships.
Women who will teach others that to catch and/or keep a man, you don't HAVE to
have sex with him and that our worth comes, not from being in a relationship
with a man (even a good one), but from Christ's death and resurrection on the
cross. We each have worth because of God's pursuit of us.
My married
friends tell me that some of their loneliest moments have come after they were
married to godly men. They tell me that, like y'all said, marriage is hard. It’s
hard because we continue to deal with sin and selfishness as God works to draw
us unto Himself—only now, one’s own issues are multiplied by two.
But I
digress, we aren't talking about marriage, yet!
So what do
those of us in this messy, single-but-want-to-be-married state do? We wait . .
. We pursue ways to serve the Lord and others. We seek friendships with people
for the sake of building other’s up in Christ for the glory of His name. And we
keep believing that, one day, according to almost everyone I have talked to
(solicited and unsolicited), when we least expect it, the man or woman who is
ordained to be our spouse comes along.
Sounds
pacifistic and maybe a little hopeless at times, but from what I see in the
Word, this is what I'm supposed to be doing.
I thank God that
I have women and men around me to help guide me in this path God has laid out.
I would love to call myself “content in my circumstances,” but I’m not sure
that’s the case all the time. Thank God for His grace over me!
All that
being said, I really don't think it’s the method with which we date that
matters. You can call it whatever you want. However, you decide to pursue
relationships, in dating, or courting, the thing I KNOW is this: we need the
church and the people around us who we can trust to help! Above all, though,
what we really need is to commit to people’s discipleship, making that the
priority rather than their marital status. A tall order, you say? I agree
completely!!
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