There is a whole lot of confusion today about the parent-child relationship. In some families the child is basically a mini god who the whole family worships and adores. In other families the child is woefully neglected. He or she is mostly being parented by television, movies, and the internet. In even worse situations, the child is regularly abused.
In Colossians 3:20-21 however we see how we can have right parent-child relationships. This passage lays out what it looks like when the gospel gets applied to our families. We begin by noting first the children's responsibility in a Christian family. v.20 tells us that their responsibility is to obey their parents in everything. This obedience ties in directly to the Lord. As they obey their parents it "pleases the Lord."
The implication here then is that kids are not at the same level as their parents. Rather, parents rightfully have a commanding role in the lives of their kids. Kids should listen to the Lord and in accordance with this listen to their parents and do what they say. Parents should give clear and consistent expectations to their kids and lead them in all areas of their life.
We get more guidance on how parents might rightly do this in v.21, where we find the responsibility of parents, and in particular of fathers. Parents, but especially fathers, have great capacity to destroy their kids through their "provoking." Provoking happens when parents constantly criticize and belittle their kids. It happens when parents are consistently absent from their kids' lives. It happens through excessively harsh punishments. Such provoking produces discouraged kids. It kills their joy and their passion.
Instead the Christian dad sees it especially as his responsiblity to steer his kids in directions that will stir their passions, revive their hearts, and allow them to be all that they should be. This means bringing not so much yourself to your kids, but bringing Jesus to them (cf Eph 6:2). Fathers, and mothers, must be diligent to teach their kids what it means to love the Lord and they must demonstrate this love by loving them like Jesus as they parent them (cf Deut 6:4-9).
When we bring to a child what the Lord wants for them, we can know for sure that we are bringing them absolutely what's best for them. We are bringing to them what will give them life and joy and peace and hope and purpose. We are bringing God himself to them and allowing them to taste and see that the Lord is truly good.
Kids who are raised in this way grow up into teenagers and adults who will have healthy trusting relationships with their parents. They will know without a doubt that they have parents who will always guide them as best as they can to what's true and good. They will have seen Jesus in you, and by God's grace, placed their own faith in Jesus because of how they've seen Jesus in you. This is in fact the only way we can be the parents we need to be and for kids to be the kids they need to be. It will only happen if Jesus is in each of our lives.
What are some of your thoughts on this passage? What are some practical ways for parents, and in particular fathers, to encourage their kids instead of provoking them? What will it tangibly look like to raise children up "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph 6:2)?
2 comments:
I think one of the biggest problems in parenting in our age is that parents all have this need for their children to love them. When a parent operates out of his/her own need rather than what is best for the child in the long run, we have real problems. It leads to child-centric homes and self centered children.
I don't think I ever tried to make my girls love me. I had such a deep fear of the Lord concerning them that I just wanted to do what was right. So, I loved them and did what I felt was right for them, even when they did not like it. It lead to some short term stress, at times. It meant I had to hear my girls tell me I was mean and occasionally that they hated me. That hurt when it happened, but I had the deep confidence that I was doing what was best for them.
The neat thing is that while I had some short term heartache over the years of raising the children, in the long run it turned out beautifully. I thank God every day for the relationships I have with my girls and the love that we share. I thank Him too for the man she has chosen to give me as a son.
"Such provoking produces discouraged kids. It kills their joy and their passion."- My mom married when I was 7. It was a rough relationship with my step dad, and when I finally moved into my grandma's house when I was 17, I remember her asking me where the happy little girl she remembered went to.
But, thankfully God had me that whole time, so even with the imperfections that surround us, God will protect us.
I can be thankful for good examples and the bad examples in my life so I can search to know from God how to be a parent to my kids, and to see the struggles in others.
Post a Comment